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And the losers aren’t…. The Vokalist’s 2009 Oscars recap.

This year is the first time the Oscars were presented live on Australian television. Was it because of Heath? Was it because of Hugh? I’ll get to that soon, firstly I am going to give my review of this years Oscars presentation on Australian television.

First of all, let me say this. Karl Stefanovic is a robot. The guy hadn’t even watched the movies they were talking about. After a live cross with the Slumdog Millionaire kids he actually said “They are fantastic. I’ve got to go see that. I haven’t seen that movie yet.” Are you kidding me? You have someone hosting an Oscars presentation and he hasn’t seen the movies. He claimed that he had seen The Duchess though. I don’t believe it for a second, because no one saw that movie. Lisa Wilkinson wasn’t much better. She just had to keep smiling and act like it was normal to be wearing a snazzy frock at midday.

They had some random self proclaimed style guru on to talk about the fashion on the red carpet this year. I don’t know who he was but he was an idiot. He nothing interesting to say about anything. He picked on some poor woman on the carpet for wearing glasses. Glasses, for fucks sake! The guy was wearing a too-tight blue plaid shirt. First rule of fashion for television is wear flat colours, no patterns. Even I know that, and I am an overweight movie reviewer from Gosford. He had a shaved head with sunglasses balanced on top. You’re in a studio, dickhead. Get rid of the sunglasses, find a shirt that fits you, and stop being a ponce.

All three were perched on stools and holding sheets of crumpled paper trying to ruffle through them for any information on what they were supposed to be talking about. Then they would cross to Richard Wilkins.

The “feathered kiwi” himself tried to accost people to interview and, apart from the slumdog kids, he didn’t speak to anyone interesting or non-Aussies. I was literally watching him talk to Baz Luhrmann while Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann stood in the background with nothing to do. Wilkins, you have no game anymore. No Aussies do. Stop sending this retard over there for this shit. You are ruining the event for everybody.

bazluhrmann_directorAnother thing that shits me is Baz Luhrmann’s constant bullshit. He has no idea what he is doing with his movies or in interviews. You are a nobody Baz. A NOBODY!!!! He actually had the balls to say that “Australia” was doing well all around the world. No it’s not! It is a massive flop. It isn’t popular anywhere. He also said he was proud of Hugh for being the “first actor to ever host the Oscars”. What?!?!?! Every host of the Oscars has been an actor. Every single one. But he tried to back track and say that they were mainly comedians. And then he back tracked again and said he was the first in recent times. You are a moron. I really think he was high. Everyone thinks you’re an idiot in Hollywood. You make camp confusing bullshit that is boring. And now we all know you are a liar as well. Don’t try to lie to make yourself seem more important. You aren’t important. You will never get an Oscar you closet case.

Once the cream of Australian talent stopped making all Australians look like idiots it was time for the show.

Now, normally, the Academy Awards opens to huge fanfare and gets you excited before the show starts. Not this year. Hugh just walked out and started talking. Kind of odd. I got the feeling that the audience hadn’t realised that the ceremony had started. The first thing I noticed was that the room seemed smaller. I think they put the rows and seats closer together this year. It was funny to see all these movie stars sharing armrests with each other. But it did help to make the Oscars seem more intimate and personal. The audience were right up against the stage instead of having an orchestra between them.

oscar_hugh_jackmansffembeddedprod_affiliate138Hugh Jackman goes into an opening musical number that made fun of the recession by making it look like he created the set in his shed the night before. It was a nice touch and it was funny. The Benjamin button part was clever, and the Frost/Nixon duet with Anne Hathaway was killer. Anne Hathaway is gorgeous and a real talent. She has a great sense of humour and she proved it again tonight. Well done Anne.

Then it was on to the ceremony. It was a shaky start with stage hands being heard pretty loudly, yelling at each other. The directors of this years show took a while to get on their feet. But once they did, they were running. Most of it was a regular awards show. There was laughter and crying. Steve Martin and Tina Fey got a great laugh with their dialogue, proving once again that Steve Martin hasn’t lost it just yet.

But the best joke of the night goes to Ben Stiller with a classic impression of Joaquin Phoenix with full beard and sunglasses. The audience got it, and Reece Witherspoon commented on it later and got a laugh of her own.

All the personal little changes through the show made it seem very intimate. The best new feature was the acting awards presentation. Five past winners of each award would come out and say something about this years nominees. It was really nice. It made you feel like this was their little club. A small group of friends appreciating each others efforts. It brought you into their world, if only for a short time. I really liked that format of presenting, and I hope they keep it in for next year.

heathjokerOf course, you all know by now that OUR Heath won Best Supporting Actor. Yes, he did deserve it, without a doubt. His Dad, Mum, and Sister accepted the award on his behalf. But they were the least emotional people in the room. They seemed distant and cold and like they shouldn’t be there. Which is true, Heath should have been there. There’s a lesson to be learned here people. If you are rich enough to have a maid, make sure that they know that when you are in danger, not to call Mary-Kate Olsen. Or any celebrity for that matter. Call an ambulance first. That said, Heath’s family have had a long tough year. Their son died, then he became the most famous actor in the world in one of the highest grossing movies ever made. It must be hard to grieve someone who is talked about by everyone in the world. I hope this win helps with the grieving process and gives them some closure. It was just hard to watch them be unemotional and then see all the superstars tearing up. A very sobering moment indeed.

Hugh Jackman did a second musical number with Beyonce, the Mamma Mia kids, and the High School Musical kids. It ended with Jackman proclaiming that “Musicals are back!” No they aren’t Hugh, no matter how much you want them to be. This one was put together by Baz, and it showed. It was a mish mash of musical songs (some of them not even from movies). The songs didn’t fit together. It was confusing, looked and sounded horrible, and was too camp (even for Hollywood). Just like all his movies. Thanks Baz, for showing the world that Australians just don’t rate when we are on the world stage, once again.

Penelope Cruz got Best Supporting Actress for her role in Vicky Christina Barcelona. She is a good actress when she speaks Spanish. Well done to Woody Allen for writing a great role for her.

Sean Penn won Best Actor for Milk. Great performance and great acceptance this time. You probably remember his sombre speech last time he was there. It was sad, and depressing. A few years ago he also proved how he can’t take a joke, and that he was too serious. This time he acknowledged how difficult he is to be close to and made a joke out of it all. It was good to see. He also gave a shout out to Mickey Rourke, who has had a great year also. My respect in Sean Penn has been restored and the world is good again.

damkateKate Winslet finally got an Oscar this year. About friggin time! She had a great speech too. She got her Dad to whistle so she could see where he was. It was awesome. Just another moment that made the ceremony seem more personal.

Andrew Stanton got his Best Animated Feature Oscar, like there was any other choice. Benjamin Button got Best Special Effects and Make-Up, deservedly so considering that they were the real stars of that movie. Man On Wire got Best Documentary and they got Philippe Petit up, he did a magic trick and balanced an Oscar on his chin. Great work.

Queen Latifah warbled over the montage of recent deaths, ruining what could have been a real touching moment. Try to remember folks, she ain’t classy. She is a hard core rapper, not a diva. The most interesting musical moment of the night was the way they mixed two of the Best Song nominees together for a live mash up of sorts. It was an interesting take and I, as a professional DJ, was impressed.

But the night that Hollywood is famous for belonged to India. Slumdog Millionaire got 7 wins, including Best Cinematography,Best Picture, Best Director, Best Song, Best Score, and Best Adapted Screenplay. They deserved everything they got. I hope this makes more people go out and see the film. It is a brilliant movie and deserves a larger fanbase. Best Documentary Short went to Smile Pinki (also from India). So, India had a great night.
Well, that was this years Oscar ceremony from an Australian point of view. It wasn’t glitzy and glamorous. It wasn’t a massive spectacle. But it was good. For the first time ever, I really felt connected to the movie community through the personal touches they added to the event. Overall, I enjoyed it. I hope you did too.

Hopefully, next year, they can make it perfect. I wonder what Billy Crystal is up to?

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About The Author

The Vokalist

In a world where opinion means everything, one man can make a difference. Kristopher Wright once lived in relative obscurity. He had a loving fiancee, a house by the sea, and a great job as a DJ. But all that changed when he started writing online reviews. Now his world has turned upside down. For once in his life this man is standing up and shouting his opinions to the world. The only problem is...the world is listening. THIS SUMMER YOU ARE INVITED TO HEAR THE TRUTH (Cool) Shite Presents Kristopher "The Vokalist" Wright in THE OPINIONATOR This time it's personal!

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Article Information

  • Posted: Monday, February 23rd, 2009
  • Author: The Vokalist
  • Filed Under: Opinion, TV
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments

2 Responses to “And the losers aren’t…. The Vokalist’s 2009 Oscars recap.”
  1. neil neil says:

    your review reflects your narrow minded approach to anything that is not BIG A american….we as australians should be proud and appreciative of the compere Hugh Jackman… a stella performance after many years of BIG A american actors, has beens and wanabees dreadfull performances.
    On the feathered kiwi on the red carpet he was interviewing people that australians wanted to see and hear…not overated people that you think are stars……Having an australian link to Wilkins is better than the dribble CNN ABC shove on maybe you would prefer Phillys Diller and Joan Rivers on the Red Carpet they are Americans….open your mind as well as your eyes

    February 24, 2009 at 11:44 am
  2. Kristopher Wright The Vokalist says:

    Thanks Dad!

    February 25, 2009 at 3:48 pm

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