Last Action Hero – Movie Review
Back in the September of 1993 I was given an order by my parents. I was NOT to see a certain dinosaur movie without the rest of the family. If I did see it on my own I would be grounded. So, even though it had been out for two weeks already and all of my friends had seen it and I felt like a complete social outcast, I had to choose a different movie to go and see while all my friends entered the local Village Twin to watch Jurassic Park for their second or third time. They thought I was an idiot for not just going in and watching it. Being the good boy that I was at the age of 13, I watched them buy their tickets for what went on to be one of the highest grossing films of all time. I was resigned to watching something on my own that had the misfortune to be in theatres at the same time as Spielberg’s all consuming children’s actioner. Being a Village Twin Cinema, I was left with only one choice.
Last Action Hero was one of the first meta movies made for an audience that had become enamoured with action stars. This movie takes a direct shot at the Hollywood that made big budget, explosion filled, machine gun firing, action films. What’s more, it does it from the inside. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Jack Slater and himself. It also stars Austin O’Brien from such classics as The Lawnmower Man, My Girl 2, and The Baby Sitters Club. It stars hundreds of famous actors in cameo roles as well (keep an eye out for Noah Emmerich as a rookie cop, Tina Turner as the mayor, and Sir Ian McKellen in one of his first mainstream American roles). Plus, it was Bridgette “so hot, want to touch the hiney” Wilson’s first feature.
Danny and Jack
Danny Madigan (O’Brien) loves to go to the movies on his own instead of going to school. His best friend is the old projectionist at the cinema. Danny’s favourite movie star is Schwarzenegger. Arnie’s big franchise at the moment is Jack Slater, a kick ass cop who boots fellow cops in the nuts, and never seems to get around to asking questions ever. He is a one man disaster area but he always gets the job done. The newest installment of these films is coming out in a couple of days and the old projectionist is going to check the print at midnight, if Danny turns up he can see it before everyone. So in the middle of the night Danny gets his freckly ass to the theatre. The projectionist gives Danny a gold ticket that was given to him by Harry Houdini himself. While stuffing his fat face full of popcorn, the ticket glows and sends Danny into the movie.
Now Danny is riding along with Jack Slater while he tries to catch the criminals of fictional movie L.A. The cops are weird, there are no ugly women anywhere, and no one has heard of Arnie in this world. One of the best gags of the movie is that every Schwarzenegger movie has been made with Sylvester Stallone taking his place. It’s a fun little meta ride with Arnie making fun of himself at every turn.
Jack Slater in filth.
Action movie conventions are pointed out constantly through the film. If a black cop dies, he is only a couple of days away from retirement. The hero can always make himself perfectly clean with just a towel, even if he is covered in tar. Even the old 555 phone prefix is explained. It’s little things like this that make the movie a joy to watch, especially if you are a movie nerd, like me.
After a while in movie land, the movie’s villain, Benedict (Charles Dance, who many of you might know as Brother Numsy), gets a hold of the ticket and makes his way into our world. The moment he realises that bad guys can get away with murder in the real world is one of the best bad guy moments in any film ever. He then plans to get all the bad guys out of movies and bring them to our world. He starts with Jack Slater’s last nemesis, The Ripper (Tom Noonan, who is creepy as fuck in this movie). He wants The Ripper to kill Schwarzenegger so he can’t make any more Jack Slater movies.
It’s not the worst premise in the world. In fact, it’s not even the worst premise of an Arnie movie. This movie was way before it’s time. At the time people found it confusing and over the top. But that is the point of this movie. It was one of the first meta movies for a large audience. It constantly references other films and has many in-jokes. I think people found it a little alienating for non movie nerds. But this is a staple of comedy movies now (Shrek, Monsters vs Aliens, or any movie with the word “movie” in the title”).
This is a movie for anyone who is fan of big budget action movies, Arnie, or meta comedies. It has an awesome soundtrack that includes AC/DC’s Big Gun, which was written for the movie. It is extremely underrated and if you’ve seen it already, give it another shot. Time has made this movie a lot easier to like.
Oh, and don’t worry. I saw Jurassic Park a week later.
What do you think? Is Last Action Hero a forgotten gem of a film which is surprisingly intelligent and raises above it’s station as an action film? Or is it a musclebound flop desperately quoting Neitche to anyone who’ll listen? let us know!
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