According to Business Week MGM has got the “For Sale” sign up in it’s front yard, but things may not be as simple as they seem. The investment consortium Goldman Sachs controlling MGM is soliciting purchase offers for the grand old “Golden Lion” of cinema. Initially offers poured in as the industry thought that the entirety of MGM was on the auction block, it quickly became apparent however that something was amiss.

We approached Goldman Sachs for clarification on the situation:

“Oh, we’re not selling the company!  We just think its time we reinvigorated the MGM brand with someone else as its figurehead.  It has been a long time coming but ‘Spanky the Lion’ needs to be put out to pasture.  Steve Irwin attempted to replace Spanky with a croc in his film Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, but it just wasn’t the right time.  Current thinking is that we can lease the space to individuals wanting to be associated with our brand, giving both parties a creative shot in the arm. We are even considering time-share oppuntinuties!”, the Goldman-Sachs mail-room trainee stated.

So there you have it:  Spanky is on the way OUT and MGM are willing to sell the space to the highest bidder.  This could be huge for floundering promotion whores like Paris Hilton or Gary Coleman.  However the possible price tag may prove a stumbling block for some.

One rumour circling the trades involves Saved By The Bell superstar Dustin ‘Screech’ Diamond starting an online fund to get his face in the MGM logo.

“Not since his failed sex tape fiasco has the teen heart-throb scraped so low,” said his agent.

MGM will be putting the position on eBay with a starting bid of $5 US.

Credits

• Written By: Bruce Moyle
• Contributers: David Quinn
• Artwork: David Quinn

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