Quentin Tarantino’s remake of the Spanish war flick Inglorious Bastards lost a little heat yesterday when one of the men tipped to join the cast was deemed unfit for duty.  Simon Pegg has been unable to do the film due not to scheduling issues as previously reported, but due to him simply not being bastard enough.

In an official statement, head bastard Tarantino, stated that Pegg was, “…more of a whiney British asshole than an actual bastard…”.  Meanwhile the rest of the announced cast, Brad Pitt and Mike Myers, have been shown on numerous occasions to be complete and utter bastards.  Many were initially confused by “comedian” Mike Myers casting in the project, but as Tarantino says, “Ask anyone who saw The Guru, that guy is a complete and utter bastard.”

By his own admission Tarantino is the perfect man to helm the project.  “I mean -  come on, Death Proof?  Anyone who sat through the Director’s Cut of that shit-pile knows what kind of bastard I am.”, he said.

In related news Robert Downey Jr. has expressed an interest in the project, however cinematic auter Tarantino has flatly squashed it outright, “No way!  That guy is beyond a bastard!  I mean, come on!  We’re not making Inglorious C*$ts here!”

Inglorious Bastards opens in the fall of 2009.

Meanwhile the recently announced sequel Inglorious Bastards 2: The C*$ts, is set for a Summer 2010 release, with Robert Downey Jr. taking the lead and cinematic visionary Uwe Boll stepping into the directors chair.

Credits

• Written By: David Quinn
• Contributers: Bruce Moyle, Dion Brooks
• Artwork: The Interwebz (ie Google Search)

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