The Top and Bottom 5 films of 2009 – A (Cool) Shite Poll
The votes are in, they have been tallied, recounted, dismissed, rewritten, recounted, shuffled, intimidated, recounted again and finally collated into the following EPIC list of the Top and Bottom Films of 2009 as voted by YOU the humble (Cool) Shite listener…
2009 provided us with a lot of truly fantastic films which broadened our horizons and expanded our minds, it also provided us with Transformers 2… i guess you can’t win ‘em all.
And now in order of best to worst, we present your bottom 5 films of 2009.
THE BOTTOM FILMS OF 2009
NUMBER 5: Dragonball Evolution
This astonishing piece of shit achieved what many thought was impossible, it made hardcore Anime fans embarrassed. When presented in an uninspired script by barely memorable actors (apart from Chow Yun Fat clearly phoning it in), Dragonball no longer looks like lots of cool anime battles and lots of screaming. Now it just looks like a dick with bad hair in an orange jumpsuit. Something the rest of us had been thinking for a while now. Thats right Naruto fans…I’m looking at you.
Number 4: TIE Paul Blart: Mall Cop / A Night at the Museum 2
Two films that prove pretty conclusively that not all Watchmen are good! In fact some Night Watchmen are positively awful! Paul Blart takes a middle-aged tubby TV sitcom actor and dumps him into a lame-as-hell “comedy” while Museum 2 reunites a veritable who’s-who of American comedy, including golden boy Ben Stiller in a sequel that was totally UN…. unnecessary, unwanted and uninteresting. Both films lower the bar for what we, in the rest of the world, laughingly refer to as American “Humour”.
Number 3: Australia
The film that did more damage to the Australian film industry than ANY other. EVER. Now we know for sure that a huge budget spectacle and massive international stars do not necessarily make a good film! Baz Luhrman’s love letter to his home country feels more like a sugar coated tourism commercial than a serious film, but then again, where did the budget come from?
Number 2: X Men Origins: Wolverine
What’s this? Two films in our Bottom 5 featuring Australia’s favorite son Hugh Jackman? What is the world coming to?! How do you screw up Wolverine? I mean really!?! Well, you give him CGI claws throughout and then royally fuck with one or two of his best villains. And then Have Professor-X rock up as a plastic mannequin. Job Done!
NUMBER 1: Transformers 2 – Revenge of the Fallen (Or Steve or George)
Michael Bay’s second bite at the giant transforming robot pie is just more of the same from the first film, with everything turned up to eleven! Unfortunately having more robots, more sexy chicks, more American muscle-cars and more fight sequences is not a recipe for quality. It may have made the kind of money toy companies can only dream of but it left even the most hardcore fans feeling battered, bruised and exhausted… and not in a good way.
Thankfully it was not all bad for film-goers in 2009. There were some truly great pieces of cinema that graced our screens and introduced us to many wonderful characters and amazing worlds, films that remind us why we fell in love with cinema in the first place! Films that explore the human condition, oh and a film about ten foot tall thunder-smurfs. 2009 was also the year of the Superstar auteur director, with all of our top 5′s directors being almost as noteworthy as the films themselves! We present to you the Top 5 films of 2009.
THE TOP FILMS OF 2009
Number 5: Avatar
Coming in late in the year, this film only just scraped into the list however it has, in that short time knocked off Transformers 2 from it’s coveted position of “Top Earner of 2009.” Which is not to say that the film is all about box office. Avatar is a stunning visual feast that took 3-D tech to new heights. Ok its story may have been a bit derivative, but i’ll be damned if audiences cared!
Number 4: Inglourious Basterds
Quentin Tarantino’s (very loose) remake of an Italian film called “Quel maledetto treno blindato” represented a real return to form for the outspoken cult favorite director. Films like Kill Bill part 2 and Death Proof may have alienated some of his fan base, but Basterds brought many back to worshipping QT and believing he can do no wrong. No matter what ya just gotta love Christoph Waltz as Colonel Landa.
Number 3: Watchmen
Zack Snyder proved a lot of naysayers wrong by filming the “un-filmable comic.” About as accurate a translation as possible of one of the worlds most densely written comic series ever, Wachmen was not just a superhero film; It was art. Unflinching and adult, it took most audiences by surprise, meaning that its box office was not stellar. The world may not have been ready for it, but comic book fans definitely were.
Number 2: Star trek
Not taking the safe route and continuing the saga of the Star Trek the Next Generation characters, JJ Abrams makes a bold move in rebooting the most beloved of all Trek series; The Original Series! It takes balls of steel to even consider recasting Spock, Kirk and Bones, yet it works so well here that it gives the entire franchise a much needed shot in the arm. Lens flares aside, this is the kind of fun space romp we’ve been waiting for!
Number 1: District 9
The new kid on the directors block, Neil Blomkamp, sure knows how to make an entrance! After being tapped for greatness by his mentor Peter Jackson he has been given the freedom to create one of the most original and creative visions of the near future we’ve ever seen. Featuring such complex themes as racism and corporatization, District 9 took the cinema-verite style to science fiction like a boxer to a punching bag. The result is a brutal yet funny and moving story of survival in the harshest environment.
These are the top and bottom films as voted by you, but obviously not everyone is going to agree, so now its your chance to argue! Feedback below and let everybody know how wrong we all were! What films got missed out entirely? Should Streetfighter: the Legend of Chun-Li have been in the top 5? FEEDBACK DAMN YOU!
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About The Author
Q-Dog
David Quinn is a writer, artist, film-maker, performer and general all-round-nice-guy who lives and works out of Launceston, Tasmania. He's lived in Tasmania all of his life but is lucky enough to have been to the UK, France, and South Africa in his younger days.
He has written short films, co-authored video games, advised on feature scripts and television shows as well as advertising campaigns. He is also a regular performer on both stage and screen. One day he will make his fortune out of all this malarkey. ONE DAY......
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High 5 on your top 5 – Although Australia was the only one of your bottom 5 I watched, so no comment on those ones… Then again, I don’t tend to go to the movies or buy DVDs of anything I know wont be kick ass, which leaves my regular viewing mostly made of awesome.
As you said in latest news show some people voted before they saw Avatar (me) so i would have included that in my top 5. I only saw Inglorious Bastards and District 9 in the last 2 weeks on Blu ray and i would have included both of those in my Top 5 as well.
Having seen all the movies in the Top 5 I think the Cool Shite listeners and crew did a kickass job in picking awesome movies. I would doubt anyone would have any arguments over what was chosen.
Like Missy I haven’t seen any of the bottom 5 even tho my 10yo niece thinks Transformers 2 is best film ever made and my younger brother likes stupid movies like Mall Cop and Adam Sandler movies I just shake my head and saw to myself I won’t watch crap.
Great job everyone we did good
Yep, I’d deffo agree with most choices espech top 5. Though have no desire to watch the Pocahontas re-make in 3Pee…sorry 3D
What makes me laugh are the links to buy the 5 shittiest films of the year. Anything done to stop people from buy Trans’porn’ers 2 should be a No.1 priority of the world.